Tips for Successful Relating
1. Know what’s your business and stay out of what’s not your business
So often we
take responsibility for another person’s well-being (or what our idea of
that is) and we try to get them to do what we think is best. The
problem with this is that most of the time, nobody asked for our help.
This can put you in a position of feeling unappreciated, and the person
you’re trying to give advice to in a place of resistance, or worse,
resentment. Next time you feel like putting in your two cents, check and
see where that’s coming from. It may be coming from someplace that
could surprise you, such as wanting approval or connection. If you take
the time to become aware of what’s driving your behavior, you can simply
let it go and focus your energy in a more positive direction.
2. Keep your agreements
I believe this
is the single most important thing you can do to establish trust in a
relationship. If you know that you’re not going to do something, say so.
If you fully intend to and something changes, say so. Most people are
open to re-negotiating agreements if you keep them apprised of what’s
happening.
3. Have fun together !
In Fighting for
Your Marriage by Howard Markman, he points to play as the single best
indicator of the long-term success of relationships. The fun we have
with others keeps us connected and gives us the juice to get through the
challenging times.
4. Feel your feelings
Sometimes this
is not as easy as it sounds; sometimes instead of feeling our own
feelings, we look to find fault with others. It may feel easier to blame
someone else for what’s going on inside you, but unfortunately, it’s
not very effective. Until you resolve the real source of your feelings,
they will continue to cause disturbance. If you are angry or upset,
check and see what’s getting triggered or if there is something inside
of you that you are avoiding or judging.
5. Express gratitude
Gratitude, like
any other emotion, needs to be expressed. Let your loved ones know you
love them. Let your employees know you appreciate them, and let your
kids know how great they are.
6. Know that in the giving you receive
Course in
Miracles says “It can be but my gratitude I earn”. If we give our gifts
looking for and expecting to be acknowledged, we deprive ourselves of
the true gift of giving. Allow yourself to feel grateful that you are
able to give in the ways that you do.
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